Saturday, August 22, 2009

His name is Khan

Its not everyday that our babus-in-white go out of their way to promote a forthcoming blockbuster bolly movie. Never before has anyone or anything succeeded in doing what My name is Khan has done. For the first time the netas are all singing the same song. Down with the Yanks! Lets go tit-for-tat! Khan-daan zindabad! All for a few little precious votes.

The recent detention of the KJo’s so-proclaimed global icon- SRK at the Newark airport in USA has suddenly given the baadshahs of our babudom large dope to binge upon. Forget the chamchas, even the top-rung’ers cannot stop themselves from crying sympathy for Khan. The behari spirit, with its spokesperson Lalluji, insists that we should take up the matter with the Yanks and demand an apology. Ambika Soni is busy announcing to the world that Anjelina Jolie and Megan Fox will be frisked and detained on their impending arrival to Soni’s country. Soni’s fervour is infectious and the babus cannot resist themselves from hailing her no-negotiation-only-action approach. Shashi Tharoor is busy flooding his twitter page with his opinions on the rights and the wrongs as always.

In the midst of all the political drama, Amar Singh ji is the only person to have caught the trick under the magician’s hat. SRK has received all the publicity and more that he needed for his forthcoming film ‘My name is Khan’. But, of course, as we all know, it was a just a perfectly timed ‘Mishap’.

Friday, July 31, 2009

PPP- President Pratibha Patil

Any little news about Pratibha Patil is exciting. And its got nothing to do with the fact that she is the first person of the female species to occupy the most inactive office of the country. It is simply because news about her is very difficult to find.

Pratibha Patil has always been known to be media shy. After all, before she became the first lady of the country, no one had even heard of her. Even after she became the first lady, things have not changed. Some would expect that she'd take some tips from her predecessor who had converted the highest dormant office of this country into a playground for school children and their principals. Well, as it turns out in the last few years of her Yes-there-is-a-person-occupying-the-president's-office 'rule', she doesn't seem to have picked up many tips from the doc scientist who left her the legacy. As a result, the only noteworthy news heard about her in recent times- A boy from Kerala sent her porn mail!

Had she followed the doc's strategy, it would have probably read- 'The president hosts another delegation of primary school children in the lawns of the Rashtrapati Bhavan' or 'The president cuts the ribbon at another annual day function'. Madame Patil, trust me, they sound more glorious.

However, I would end this hope-this-inspires-the-President note with a word of advice to the little boy- Dude, you are still in college. The President is married.

P.S. The author shares her birthday with the first lady of the nation. Sagi-sisters, Mrs. Patil :)

Disclaimer: This post is not authored by the Pakistan People's Party.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

100 days of agony?

The baadshahs of our Babudom have been spoilt for too long. Its time they were disciplined a little. Or so think, some of the politicians who have proposed a bill for 100 days of mandatory Parliamentary attendance. I am excited. Its not often one gets to witness live demonstrations of apne-hi-pair-par-kulhadi-maarna. And our babus are masters at the art of saving their backsides.

Do our babus really have the flair for self discipline? I, for one, don’t think so.

Rhetorics across the border

Sharm-el-sheikh is famously known as the city of peace. When our Indian babus and their Paki counterparts arrive there, it wonders how it could preserve its identity. In a recent case of 'Ulta chor kotwal ko daante', Pak's Army chief Kayani cleverly dabbled in the quintessential, you-blame-me-I-blame-you-back-game. He tossed the trump card for Pak, in the decades old Indo-pak-peace negotiations, when he acceded to the need of Pak stopping the funding of infiltrators into the Indian territory. On a fleeting note, charmingly, he didn't fail to add, "By the way, India should stop messing around in Balochistan". Of course, according to Mr. Kayani, Pakistan doesn't dabble in selfish and materialistic give-and-take policies. Pak is a giver. Pak has always been a giver. The list of the tensions it has given India is endless.

A Baluch friend of mine agrees. He doesn't believe in Pakistan. But he believes in Baluchistan. He believes it deserves it freedom. At the first mention of freedom, having avoided this topic for years of our friendship now, I asked him, "S, do you think Kashmir should be given to Pak?", for the first time yesterday. He replied playfully, " Well, we wouldn't mind it if India decides to be generous" and appended an indubitable tongue-in-cheek smiley. "Lol", said I, ackowledging his humour and just when I'd decided to broach a less political topic, he added after a pregnant pause, "Well, You know what? It's quite ironic to think that Pakistan is craving for more territory when its existing territory is already torn apart from all kinds of strife. Pak today is nowhere close to what it was meant to be." He, like scores of youth in Pak today, wishes to get out of Pak. I empathise with him and add, "S, If you do decide to stick around in Pak however, there are only two places you should be- Politics or Cricket". He agrees with a 'Lol, ya!'.

Monday, July 27, 2009

How to answer a stupid question!

Queen Elizabeth: Why was nobody able to predict the recession?

LSE Economists: Your highness, It was a failure of our collective imagination.


Saturday, July 25, 2009

Jassi babu and a few peals of laughter

No, it isn't Jaspal Bhatti but our beloved ex-finance minister Jaswant Singh who decided to play comedian to our perpetually-somnolent central legislators this time. Jaswant babu triggered quite a few peals of laughter in the recent session of the Lok Sabha as he dished out some anti-dethroning tips to the government in power. His tip- Money, Money, Money, It's not funny.

According to him, the finance minister is faced by a tough job. He often has to endure sleepless nights in the foregoing weeks of the budget because everything is related to money. making reference to his one brief and one not-so-brief terms in the same office, he prophesied- Sooner, than later, the finance minister ends up abandoning this portfolio. Reminiscing in nostalgia, he remembered- during his days in that office, he had to transfer the reins because the government was kicked out. He cleverly added in the middle of this autobiographical repertoire- ' I am only cautioning'. This makes me wonder whether that was for the ears of Pranab Mukherjee or Sonia Gandhi. Whoever the intended recipient, he sure had the Babus-in-white entertained even as he thrust a direct attack at his residing-in-office counterpart on the budget saying- The tax break would not even gift me a bottle of whisky! Jassi Babu, I sympathize.